Somewhere I Belong
by KuraGonzalez
Summary: "Why do you break into my room in the middle of the night?" "To warn you."


I don't know what happened. I saw people on Tumblr talking about canon Ambrollins fics about what happened on Raw and I had this itch I couldn't get rid of until I had started to write this. I wanted it to be like four or five paragraphs long but then this happened and... yeah XD Ambrollins does things to meeeee~

Also, this is for C because she's my Ambrollins light in the darkness and the Queen on Tumblr.

p/s: The title is a nod to Linkin Park because I probably will never get over Chester's death.

* * *

They. Have. _Hugged_.

Okay, Dean pushed him away after a few seconds but that cannot ever erase the giddy feeling crashing over Seth the moment his sweat-covered skin crashed against his brother's… they still are brothers, right?

Sure, Dean hasn't exactly forgiven him yet which is worrying him a little but they did make a pretty good team out there and Dean even offered him a _well done tag partner_ handshake-hug-thing after realizing he pushed Seth away but still needed an outlet for his post victory high. Some things never change and Seth is immensely grateful for that.

To be completely honest, he _did_ expect things to be easier. Of course he knew Dean would be a lot harder to crack than Roman but Seth seems to have underestimated just _how_ obstinate and mistrusting Dean could be.

Roman never confronted him with his past mistakes the way Dean did, never got so deep under his skin that he offered his big brother to beat him down with the same chair he broke their family with. Rome never made him scream _I'm sorry_ at the top of his lungs, tears burning in his eyes, the urge to cut himself open to atone in any way possible for his horrible, disgusting crimes becoming unbearable.

Roman also never kissed him in the pale moonlight, tasting like beer and waffles, breaking the following silence with a gentle laugh and a _I heart you too, dumbo_.

Contrary to Rome, Dean has never been the brother that eventually forgave, forgot and moved on. And in a way, Seth knows he _will_ pay for what he did. Much more than he already has in the past three years.

He has had it all, the titles, fame, money until he got injured and had more time to think about what he has done than he was comfortable with. During his rehab, he began to understand how selfish and foolish he had been and what exactly he carelessly threw away.

He knows now, and there is nothing he regrets more in his life than abandoning his family. That and prying the doors to Dean's heart open just to rip it out and stomp on it in front of the whole world. Twice.

Hunter poisoned his mind but Seth is aware that he cannot put the blame solely on him. Stephanie and her husband did not hit his brothers dozens of times with a steel chair. They didn't force him to walk away. No, that was all Seth.

So, naturally he is the one who has to make it all right again.

Dean, annoyingly headstrong Dean Ambrose, doesn't believe a single word coming out of Seth's mouth. He understood that a while ago when Dean did his little interview session backstage. Words alone won't get him anywhere with Dean.

To get his brother's attention Seth did the only other logical thing. He stuck his nose in his brother's business and made him acknowledge his presence. It is easy to rile Dean up and meddling with Miz and his entourage immediately had the desired effect.

Seth sighs while he kicks off his boots, trying to ignore the heavy feeling tightening his chest. Dean threw a lot of hurtful things his way and he thought he was prepared for everything but his heart still shattered into a million pieces the moment he heard his friend – yes, he still considers them not only brothers but much, much more – practically spit out that he will tag with Seth but doesn't trust him one bit. It was clear they still have a long way to go before things will be how they once were and they can pick up where they left off.

'You should lock your doors. Strangers might come in 'n try to knock some sense into ya.'

'One of them just did,' he jokes back, relaxing visibly. Roman just has that calming presence of a big, cuddly teddy bear. 'Why do you break into my room in the middle of the night?'

'To warn you.'

Ah, of course. Seth has been wondering when Roman's protective instinct would kick in, despite what has transpired between them in the past. Took him a tad longer than Seth estimated but here he is, telling the baby brother what he already knows deep down.

That Dean's forgiveness is not something he will ever be able to earn. That a lot of pain and suffering is in store for him before their friend will even consider letting Seth get close to him again.

'He's my brother and I love him,' Rome starts, closing the door behind him to lean against it, eyes searching for his. 'And you deserve every bit of punishment he'll unleash on ya but, ugh.'

He can't help it, Seth has to chuckle. That's why he was never afraid of walking up to Roman and bringing up his betrayal. Roman loves being the big brother way too much to dwell on past grudges. He can't not look out for his family.

This is obviously still hard for Rome, so Seth saves his Samoan friend the trouble and waves this concern off.

'Trust me, I know what I signed up for. I have been gravitating around Dean for ages. He is a schemer that thinks with his heart. I am ready. For everything.'

Dean will do unspeakable things to him, Seth is sure of that but it is time to face the consequences. He is done running away. Defeating Hunter was only step one of his own redemption arc. Seth wants to be able to look in the mirror again and not hate what he sees.

'Ya sure? Dee'll burn you alive. You've hurt him in so many fucked up ways.' Yeah, it took him years to come to this enlightening realization but he is man enough to accept his fate. He brought it upon himself, so he is not exactly in a position to complain.

'He sure won't kill me,' Seth tries to lighten the mood, putting on more comfortable clothes while Roman watches silently, an absent look on his face. He obviously doesn't think this is funny.

Getting your heart broken in return as the only possible punishment isn't either.

'But he might– he was right all these years ago. Your life changes with him as your enemy. Dee could easily destroy you. His hatred for you is as big as his l– he has had three years to come up with the ultimate revenge plan.' It's crushing to hear that Dean does in fact loathe him. Seth suspected that was the case but learning the harsh truth is a whole new level of agony.

Before he can reply anything Roman comes closer, hugging him with one arm, pressing a kiss on top of his hair. Nostalgia threatens to overwhelm him as he breathes in the all too familiar scent, making him almost miss Rome whispering, 'I'm afraid it'll change ya both irreversibly. I just got ya back.'

Maybe Roman thinks he can't handle what Dean has in store for him but Seth has made a list of all the despicable things he could be tortured with. He has thought it through very carefully, considered all the terrifying possibilities. Dean could even make him pay by feigning to forgive him just to turn on Seth in a similar manner. They might end up never finding their way back together because Dean won't put his heart on the line ever again. Seth has had his chance and he blew it.

He carries that list with him wherever he goes, so he will never forget that sometimes there is no happy ending for everyone. It is a constant reminder of his failure and a sign of hope at the same time. In a way it shows that he was able to evolve to the better and so can Dean.

They _can_ make it through this, no matter how long it will take.

There is a lot he would like to say, such as _don't worry about me, I'm already all grown up_ or _I can take care of myself_ and _I trust Dean implicitly_ but not a single word comes out of his mouth. That Roman cares so deeply for him and his well-being is too much and a tiny voice inside his head screams that he does not deserve to be treated so kindly. Rome should let him run into his demise blindly, giving him a good push to make sure he gets there. Instead he swallowed down his pride and now tries to protect him from his own best friend.

The embrace ends all too soon and once Roman has put some distance between them Seth feels impossibly cold, shuddering against his will. He yearns to hold the other back by the wrist, to fall asleep entangled in numerous limbs once more but he lets Roman go, listening to the _don't get lost on the way_ with a heavy heart.

Perhaps he _is_ in way over his head. What if he ends up _not_ being able to deal with it because he is not as strong as he thought he'd be? What if Dean is so hurt that he decided to never forgive Seth and just plays with him like a cat hitting its prey with the big paws before that gets too boring and it moves on, leaving the wounded bird behind to die alone and forsaken?

Or, what if Rome is right and one of them loses himself in this game of war? Could they descend so deep into the darkness that they forget what it was all about originally?

Panic crawls up his throat and it is getting hard to breathe, so Seth opens the window, drawing in the fresh air as fast as he can. It doesn't help to get rid of this feeling that something is suffocating him. He is getting too cocky, is once again too sure of his own cleverness that he does the same old mistake of underestimating Dean and–

'You told him.'

Dean's voice cuts through the fog in his mind and he steadies himself by resting his forehead against the wall next to the window so he can eavesdrop on his older siblings.

'I did,' Roman answers immediately, sounding not in the least ashamed or sorry. He would never apologize for being a good brother.

When Dean asks what Seth's response was he has to risk it and take a look at them on the parking lot.

Roman's back is turned to him but Seth can see Dean very clearly, his appearance taking his breath away again. Even after all these years he still can't get over how hot Dean is. And right now, with the grumpy look on his face, his unruly hair curling itself a bit, leather jacket hiding the muscular arms, Dean could also have jumped right out of a fashion magazine.

His older brother shrugs, muttering a bit proudly, 'Said bring it on.'

The frown on Dean's face vanishes and his mouth twists into an evil grin. It should scare Seth but for some reason it makes him so unbelievably happy that it even turns him on. It is a bittersweet reminder of the good old times when Dean would suck the soul right out of Seth with each kiss he stole from him.

Rome throws his hands in the air exasperated, exclaiming tiredly – they must have had this conversation a thousand times already –, 'Do whatever you have to but be sure to not bend him till he breaks.'

And judging by the betrayed look flashing over Dean's face he has had enough of Roman being on Seth's side. 'Why shouldn't I?' his brother hisses, his helpless fury burning Seth as if someone pushed him into the witch's oven. ' _He_ didn't mind doing that to us, remember?'

Silence follows and the longer it gets the more Seth dreads Rome will answer that Dean is a better man than Seth could ever hope to be. It wouldn't be a lie but he is not yet ready to hear that being said out loud.

Surprisingly, his ears pick up something different yet equally harrowing. 'Cause you still love that kid and losing him thanks to your own stubbornness or stupidity would kill you too. I can't do this again.'

Ouch. Seth apparently destroyed more than he can fix in one lifetime.

Dean's wrath leaves his body in an instant and he beams at Roman encouragingly, adding with an adorable teasing voice, 'I'll break him just a little.'

Their big brother sighs loudly, undoubtedly wishing his family would stop playing an altered version of hide and seek with each other. Seth would love to but he can't live without punishment. Dean has to get it all out of his system or else this will stand between them forever. Funny how history really tends to repeat itself.

Seth can see Roman rubbing furiously over his temples, fighting off the headache his friends give him on a daily basis and he smiles while gently biting into his bottom lip. It is so good to know that Rome backs him up even after all the crap he pulled. Even when Dean of all people is plotting his revenge against him.

This time there won't be any childish pranks because their roles are different now. Dean is still hellbent on haunting Seth, but he is no longer hunting him down to get some answers. This is about letting Seth know how it felt to be dumped in public by his sellout ex boyfriend. It is about mending a broken heart by inflicting the same kind of pain on Seth so he can understand what Dean had to endure all this time. And everyone who knows Dean is also aware that it takes a whole lot until he cannot bottle it up anymore.

These agonizing mind games are not what normal people would do but this is Dean they are talking about. Nothing is normal about him. And since Seth wants, no _needs_ an appropriate sentence he cannot be that ordinary either. They really do make the perfect kind of misery.

His brothers walk to their own room, arms around each other's shoulders and Seth retreats too, snorting scandalized when he hears Roman beg mockingly, 'No touching the hair. He just managed to grow it back.'


End file.
